Be sure of compatibility of marriage before Childbirth

This article is not meant to shun or disregard the pious relationship in marriage or raise finger over its subsistence. It is just to guide the couple on some key issues for preserving the relationship in perpetuity.

Marriage is not something about getting legal or societal licence to establish a physical relationship with spouse. Although the physical relationship, which is a significant and understood clause (accepted by society and law as well) of marriage cannot be ignored especially when it is believed that sex augments love further.

But only to believe that such a nuptial relationship depends on sex would be a farce. In fact, relationship in marriage is not solely to do with sex at all.

Marriage therefore is a means through which the two halves (husband and wife) are cohesive for perfect functioning. Agreed, the great purpose of this relationship is the continuance of the family and the name of the ancestor, as it is believed by many, upon the earth. The other great purpose, which cannot be overlooked, is the true completeness of the lives of the two individuals locked through the wedlock.

In fact, to establish physical relationship and to give birth is two completely different issues, which is the sole purpose of this article to highlight and justify.

In our society we are sometimes forced by family members or sometimes by society to marry even when the girl or the boy or both are not mentally prepared to marry. Maturity in the individual is desirable before the burden of being parents or spouse. Maturity does not mean to a physical development only rather the mental strongness. Lacking of which sometimes, results in failure of marriage.

Besides maturity there are several other problems, which lead to a married life into hell. Some relationship suffers under the pressure of one partner suffering an addiction or substance abuse problem, sometimes job loss or illness do cause personal and relationship stress. Sexual issues, too a factor, as some people are reluctant to talk in detail about it and lack of physical satisfaction sometimes lead the couple to either get pleasure by other means, which sometimes either resulted into final break up or sometimes such relationship continues through infidelity or physical abuse. The stress of managing money for livelihood of the family especially after the birth of children slowly affects the health of relationship.

However, many conflicting issues and problems can be resolved in time and thus separation or divorce can be avoided by following some guidance. People should avoid early marriage. The spouse must acknowledge the problem exists between them and find out the root cause of the problem. Counselling to such couples needed. In fact, before marriage, the couple required sometimes to undertake the marriage guidance course, which would instil the pair with the knowledge and skills in building a harmonious and successful family life.

Again coming to lacking maturity is not the sole cause of break-up, as now a day divorce is quite prevalent among quite mature couple. The economic independence of women particularly in metros or town cities has infused strength in them to take strong decision of getting alone from his husband.

The decision of getting separated is sometimes okay for those couple whose life becomes hell owing to perplexities in their married life. And, sometimes it is better choice for them to be divorced, if they are unwilling to face each other and indulge in fight day and night.

But, my question here is in the fray of two children must not be punished. No one has moral right to play with the life of children. Who can understand better than the victim (children) the trauma they have to endure owing to their parents’ fight or divorce.

There are many disadvantages and psychological problems, which the children of the divorced parents face in their entire life. Children of divorced parents are more likely to become addicted to drugs and alcohol in adolescence. Many children end up their life fearing success, thinking: "How can I have a happy life when my mother or father has been unhappy?'' Besides, children from disturbed marriages experience greater risk of injury, asthma, headaches, and speech defects than children from intact families.

In this respect, Surinder Rathi a Guardianship judge, Delhi has come out with a commendable suggestion for the young couples that before planning family should be certain that they could carry out their married obligations peacefully for the entire life.

These couples should postpone their decisions to have child for at least two or three years, so that they can develop a reasonable idea of their mutual emotional compatibility and their chance of living a successful and harmonious married life in perpetuity. This way children can be escaped from the mental trauma which they have to undergo at the time of their parents involve in divorce or separation lawsuits.

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